The Truth About Marriage // What I’ve learned after one year.

Dear lovely readers,

Today is a special day for me. Today marks the day I made the most important, beautiful, and challenging decision of my life.

I got married.

Our love story is a long, complicated, wonderful tale that would take far too long to get into now. But after over four years of dating, Drew asked me to be his wife. It was a long time coming and I had no doubt that this was the way my life was supposed to go and was the right decision. Seven months after that, just days shy of my nineteenth birthday and weeks shy of our fifth anniversary, we vowed ourselves to each.

I usually prefer to say something witty like “we said I do” but for the purpose of this post and seriousness, I made a very candid decision to say ‘vowed’. Because, that is what we did and I’m still learning the significance of this.

I so wish I could say that this year of living together and marriage and huge milestones was pure bliss. But that isn’t the truth. And that isn’t marriage. And I was not prepared for that.

I need to be honest with you guys. Marriage is hard.

No one told me that. No one told me that I would spend nights screaming and crying and cursing. No one told me that I could feel so much anger towards someone. No one told me I could feel so hurt by someone. No one told me that sometimes I would have to walk out of my own house just to think clearly.

No one told me that I would feel such undying love. No one told me about the immeasurable tenderness I would feel pouring out of my heart. No one told me about the safety and peace I would feel listening to someone sleep beside me. No one told me the goals I would reach, and encouragement and pride I would eternally have by my side. No one told me about the butterflies I would get when planning a future with the one person I loved more than life itself.

But even though no one told me any of those things, we made it. We made it through our first year. People say that is the hardest year and I now understand. But we made it. Somehow we’ve come out the other side closer, stronger, and even more in love.

All those fights, all the words I wish I could take back, all those nights I shook with fury and sadness, all those nights lead to something greater. This year, living in close quarters and on our own for the first time, Drew and I learned to stop living as two separate people. It is a big change, but a wonderful change.

I know this post is saturated with unforgiving frankness and heaviness. I promise you though; marriage is hard, but it is also the most wonderful, happy, truly beautiful thing.

I talked about the gravity of a vow, above. That is something that I have come to learn the most about this year. I have learned so many lessons on life, marriage, and moving forward these past months. But this lesson was the hardest to admit to myself.

I share with deep shame that I have uttered the word “divorce” this year. Drew hopefully won’t mind me confessing for him that he has, too. In the heat of the moment, in the midst of learning to coexist, I spat words I will always regret.

For five years we played a balance game of weighing pros and cons, but always having an out. We never acted on it, never took a break, never gave up, but we knew it was there. There is no more ‘outs’ now. For better, for worse.

It took me a few months, lots of fights, and even more humility for this to finally sink in. I married this man. I vowed to always love him. To always be at his side. Eternally, forever. Even in the heat of the moment I don’t believe it, I am so lucky to have someone to fight with, to love, to have made the same weighty promise that fills my heart.

And that has made all the difference. Each fight that escalates, each time I shake with anger, I remember that this is who I am stuck with. There is no out, I can’t take back my vow. I better learn how to make it work.

And I am so thankful to be stuck with him.

Communication. Compromise. Those really are the backbones to marriage. With those tools, I have taken each day one at a time and never been happier.

Has this year been easy? No.
Has this year been hard beyond belief? Yes.
Would I want it any other way? No.
Am I the luckiest girl in the world? Yes.

So. One year later. Drew, I am so happy to be married to you. I am so proud of our progress and our love. Each day is an adventure and I am so glad to be on this journey with my best friend. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am so proud to be called your wife.
Happy anniversary.

I love you.
— Brey


365 thoughts on “The Truth About Marriage // What I’ve learned after one year.

  1. This was very touching. Drew is lucky to have such a passionate, lovely, and smart woman in his life — and a dedicated one, as well. Other than shaking with “furry,” I can relate to everything you’ve written here and we’ve been married for 22 years. May you and your family continue to be blessed for decades yet to come.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reblogged this on Mariajob and commented:
    wow..TearyEyed….this is so truthful and on point, i am so re-blogging this for my readers!! Must-read people, even if you are single or your marriage is many/few years old!!

    Like

  3. Thanks for visiting my blog. May you have many more years of happiness together. You are right, marriage is hard, so is parenting. And in my eyes, you can’t give up on either one of those. After 35 years of marriage, we are still learning lessons. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Such very wise words! I think we get the wrong idea from media a lot of time about marriage…or maybe I’m just a Luddite. Any relationship (even the relationship you have with yourself) ebbs and flows and takes hard work and dedication. You have to make time for each other, you have to pursue each other, you have to make a choice to love and value each other. I think if you and Drew are able to keep your eyes fixed on the truths you mentioned you’ll have a long and loving marriage. God bless you both, and thank you for visiting my page! xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  5. What a lovely post. I’m 8 months into my first year of marriage and can really understand where you’re coming from. It’s strange how we can go from being madly, deeply, truly in love to experiencing the complete opposite, a cold indifference, at the drop of a pin. But like you, I am thankful for what I have and understand the vow I’ve made, and don’t take it lightly.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve heard the first year of marriage is the hardest. I could attest to that! I’ve been with my husband for almost 5 years now (married for a little over a month now) and for the most part it has been challenging. A lot of arguments because of miscommunication and misunderstandings.

    Congrats to both of you! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hey you!
    Some coincidences round us. Rs. I got married last year too. A day and a month later. June 20th. I agree with every little thing you have written, especially the depth of it.
    “Communication and willingness” is the motto. Rs.
    Let’s KEEP on. Never believe and listen to nothing different. There is NO life better, indeed.
    I wish you the best!
    Best regards,
    Mirelle

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Reblogged this on my life in words and commented:
    All my life i have severally told myself that i will never walk Down the aisle because i see no point to it. But reading such stories makes me want to revaluate my decisions…

    It’s not an easy thing, but it sure as hell look worthwhile…

    Like

  9. You have learned quite a bit in your first year of marriage. It seems like, even at such a young age, the two of you have a beautifully strong marriage. Congrats on never giving up, on working hard, on sticking together and on loving each other more and more every day. I found your post very inspiring. Thank you!

    Liked by 2 people

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